Yes, there's more.....

After reading some of my fellow YIIPer’s blogs, I feel like my emotional experience has surfaced a little differently. Although many others have begun declaring that the honeymoon is over, for me, the most emotionally trying period occurred over the first three weeks. Maybe it was just a difficult adjustment, or maybe that’s just how I personally internalize such changes. Nevertheless, I feel like I’ve really sunk my feet in and got into the flow of being here. Almost as though, despite the constant change taking place around me, I’ve managed to stabilize myself. At first I was really trying to adapt to all of the annoying little changes (which looked to me like inconveniences). But once I began to understand all of the ‘why's’ behind these differences, I began accepting them and respecting them. Also, in the beginning I was seriously questioning my role here. How can a 23 year old Canadian student contribute to a region which is so socially, culturally, politically and environmentally different? Moreover, would my contribution even be a positive one? Of course, I have not disposed of these thoughts. They are still at the forefront of my mind, but I have adjusted to them, so to speak. I have been able to talk about them with people that understand these feelings, and I have forced myself to examine them, express them, and write about them. Subsequently, I am recognizing what I have learned here (emotionally and intellectually) and ensuring that I take those tools and utilize them positively in the future, as I have always tried to do in my life.
My work has been as interesting as it is difficult. Given the serious time constraint coupled with my ambitious work plan, I have really had to tame my need for perfection. Essentially, I am working on a bioregional disaster management profile. First off, this requires a great deal of research given that I know very little about Filipino local, regional and national policies/structures/practices etc. This is where I have become the most disenchanted. The people who live and work here know much more about the relevant resource, land use, and disaster management plans and regulations than I do, so isn’t it completely redundant to have me, a foreigner, compile the information? It feels like I am taking three months to do something that a local expert could compile in no more than two or three weeks. I have had to read a heap-load of background material, get acquainted with the political system (which is very complicated might I add), meet all the relevant staff, and proceed to navigate my way through the public departments in order to access all the necessary information and data. Now I must remind you that this process is not completed yet, I still have to gather a bit more data before really digging into the writing portion. Secondly, there are so many organizations and departments doing all sorts of different plans and projects. I think I have all my information, then *bam*....another plan, another agency, another committee comes out of the woodwork. That being said, I recognize that a lot of my work is being done to collaboratively build my own skills and that of our local partners. Thus, although it may take a little longer, it is being done for a reason. Thirdly, it can be really difficult to understand what your role is when you are working in an international context. What skills are you bringing to the table? Also, how can you complete an internship that you are truly proud of? I find myself so much more aware and careful about my work here. Not that I am not back home, but it’s gotten to the point of paralysis for christ sake. You’re writing about a space that is so different from your own. So much detail contributes to the realities of life here. And so much of that I am not familiar with. I want to write something that is beneficial, rather than simply insert irrelevant western methods and epistemologies into other spaces—as us westerners are so fond of doing. I guess it’s safe to say that at least I am thinking about these things. I am glad that I am taking these questions seriously. But one thing I must remember is that, for the most part, this opportunity is here for me to learn and to grow. Of course I will complete my task, damn well in fact! But at the end of the day, this experience will give to me much more than I will it. It will forget about me and my work fairly quickly, of course, I would not say the same for myself. For I will carry the experience with me for the rest of my life. And I am sure that it will continue to teach me far more after it has been completed.

Regardless, I am feeling good. I am actually teaching myself how to meditate, which with the help of some friends, I hope to continue back in Toronto. That reminds me. Traveling really does make one grow fonder of home, all those little insignificant details that you barely wince at in your daily life. Most of all, it makes you remember the things, the people, who are most important. I guess it works as a nice little reminder; Hey, don’t take your life for granted. Those you hold dear have helped you become who you are.
Anyways, I’m rambling.

A few other details:

The weather is getting cooler because we are in the rainy season. But there is still very little rain. The crops are failing and it has been very difficult on the people here.

Shopping at the wet markets (local markets) is soooo much cheaper than at the supermalls. Plus it provides for a much more authentic experience.

Filipino’s are shy yet curious so it makes for some funny situations, especially when it comes to men who approach us. They really do not know what to do. They have such a hard time looking you in the eye, yet they cannot seem to stop themselves from approaching you. Even if it means giving themselves—what looks to be—an anxiety attack.

Environmentally, things are VERY complicated. In fact, being here has changed many aspects of my position on this topic. ‘progressive’ laws are being passed, yet the practices are running in the opposite direction. Wealth and affluence is increasing, thus increasing demands for water and energy. Waste management has become a serious issue and the government is very reluctant to implement projects without foreign funding. Resources are dwindling, or being sold off piece by piece to foreign governments and corporations. Foreign ideologies and perspectives on economy and environment are impacting the way that the Philippines has been forced to ‘develop’. And the connection between environment, politics and wealth is just glaring!

That being said, I do think I have found my research topic, and I am very excited about it. But that is for another post because I have a few interviews and readings to do before I finalize it. I don’t want to jinx myself given that determining my research topic has been one of the more difficult and frustrating tasks. There’s so many interesting things I really want to study!!!! Mining, climate change policy, water, energy production, resource management...and those are only the broad topics :s

Anyways, overall I am feeling good. Although time is flying by which is a little disconcerting. In a few weeks we will be traveling to Palawan; “the last frontier of the Philippines”. Mind you, I hear Mariah Carey owns an entire island there, one which is off limits to the locals; who could really use the fertile land to secure their livelihoods. As if the egocentric diva would even bat an eye at that....ahhh the global elite.

Speaking of, I cannot believe I am missing the G8/G20. I’ve been reading about it non-stop, trying to live vicariously through all you passionate protesters back home.

Okay, that’s all for now.

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

This is the first night back...home.

Or what I now call home.

Oddly, it does feel like home. It carries what many my claim to be the key characteristics of a ‘home’; safe and satisfying.
Although the sounds, smells and sights are so unfamiliar to me, taking my evening walk back down our quant little street was comforting. It reminded me of when I was little and I would pull up to my house after a long trip to my cottage, and, as much as I was sad to be “back to reality”, I was happy to be home. To think, at that time my comfort stemmed from the familiarity of my home. Not only the raw materials. Yes, I do think that played a part, but it was really just a physical representation of what it symbolized to me emotionally. Rather, it was the priceless intangibles that evoked the warm feeling in my tummy; my family, Love. That feeling that some people spend their entire lives trying to revive.
Now, in Iloilo, the town I call home, that same feeling is derived from something different. Of course it is, given that the familiar love I once grasped so tightly is now half way across the world. I think this feeling may come from the appreciation of being one of the lucky ones in this awe-inspiring world we all inhabit. One of the people to have a place to call ‘home’. Somewhere to rest my head and calm my thoughts. To prepare my dinner after a long day of work.
Mind you, maybe I’m being presumptuous here. Home is something that is so incredibly personal to each and every one of us. Some of us have homes that require two mortgages and a 72 hour work week. Yet, these people may never truly revive that sought after childhood feeling. The warmth, the familiarity of love that your home represents. Others, others may not even have four walls to call their own. And here in the Philippines, this rings very true for over 40 percent of the population. Yet, although they may have little to no faith in their government or their social institutions, what they have truly experienced is the love of family and friends. And maybe that’s all it takes to evoke that lovely fuzzy feeling. I guess, depending on who you are, that realization could be a great thing, or a huge disappointment. Especially if you have worked your entire life to have walls to call your own. Many, beautiful walls.

I have so much to say about all of the things I have experienced since my last post.

We spent this past weekend in Borocay. It is likely the most acute Filipino representation of how un-fettered capitalist oriented growth can manifest itself within an ecologically delicate, rural, agrarian based island. Only 10 years ago, the island was still relatively owned and operated by the locals. There was no electricity and only a few small hotels. The waste and water system was sustainable and locally managed, and the beaches were still naturally clean.
Today, it is trodden with obscenely large, fancy resorts, mostly owned by some German or American company. The waste issue has become completely unmanageable by local people, yet of course they are the ones who are bearing the costs. The corals have all (and I mean ALL) died due to the heavy amounts of gas and chemicals spewing into the shore.
Now, this is the worst part. The locals own none of this. This form of development has not seemed to help them at all, financially or socially. Many are left with little to no land, a poor fishing environment and highly seasonal—and thus unreliable—incomes.

Many are making their money off of tourism. Whether it be operating island hopping/snorkelling/scuba diving activities or working at the foreign owned restaurants, resorts or retail outlets.

We travelled there during the off-season, so it was not as busy as it would be from November to May. Therefore, many of the locals are making little to no money at this time. Subsequently, they are can only vigorously market their services to however care’s to show up, be they Chinese, Korean, Australian or Canadian. None of the capital is theirs. In light of all this ‘development’, they actually own less.
Of course, the trip itself was awesome. We went island hopping, caving, snorkelling and kayaking (As I was spending all the money to perform such activities, I couldn’t help but think “support the locals!”). We soaked in the rays while sipping Mango Margaritas. It is the tropical destination that all of us Westerners, tormented by the realities of living in a temperate climate, pay the big bucks to explore.
Nevertheless, it makes the thought of such a trip much more difficult when all of the locals describe Borocay as the “what not to do” of Filipino planning and development. Then, they immediately ask “so have you been there yet?”
As I reply “no” (This is before I went of course), they lift their eyebrow in confusion and say “why not!?!?!?! that's where all the foreigners are, you must go!”

Love, Love, Love...Love is all you need

Okay, since I have continued to neglect the dark little corner I occupy of the big bad blogospehere, I must do some back-posting. I shall being with my trip to the Island of Negros...

The friends I have met here have been unbelievably hospitable. Sadly, I must admit that in Toronto people would not be so quick to invite foreigners on amazing weekend vacations. To escort them across islands to beautiful sandy shores, to the quaint little places that they themselves call home. A young girl who interned at my office did just that. She not only took us to the island of Negros where we swam, sang and ate the cleanest, most amazing food I have ever experienced. But she took us in to her home where her beautiful mother made us an absolute feast fit for kings.



On another note. We also went to a gay talent show. Yes, I say this with not a note of sarcasm or exaggeration. All year round communities throw local fiestas and events. This one in particular was for a charity, so it was quite small compared to the annual fiestas. As we arrived, everyone greeted us. It was night fall so I could see nothing more than the glow of cell phone lights peering in our direction. They were all looking to see the local politician; I forgot to mention that she is also a youth political delegate, so she’s well known in her community. And of course, they were once again examining the exotic faces of the foreigners. A few of the older community members (one very stern old man in particular) began shooing the children away with a bamboo stick so that the others could begin placing chairs upfront for us all to sit. Yes, we got front row seats :). The infrastructure was minimal, and the audio a little unreliable. But the stage was ready to receive its contestants. The women were wild, and wow were they beautiful. Not only do they ‘pass’ for women, but superficially speaking, most of us women don’t even hold a candle to them. Basically, the show was spectacular, hilarious, and very, very thought provoking.

In a country that must be over 90 percent catholic, they have a very open and progressive perspective towards sexuality. Homosexuality and trans-gendered positions are, for the most part, accepted. I have had many conversations with locals about this. Many have said that Filipino’s are able to separate their religious traditions from their social consciousness. This may be due to the strength of their social relationships. In this sense, if your friend, child, brother or sister is sexually ‘non-traditional’ (whether it be GQTB...I forget the abbreviation :s), the strength of your personal connection may make you reconsider your perspective towards sexuality. Maybe ideological barriers can be broken when the one you hold so dear is given the time and the space to show you that their sexuality is just that, their sexuality. It is not an all encompassing definition of their being.
That is how I have come to understand the way they’ve formed their perspective. But, of course, I may be way off.