Yes, there's more.....

After reading some of my fellow YIIPer’s blogs, I feel like my emotional experience has surfaced a little differently. Although many others have begun declaring that the honeymoon is over, for me, the most emotionally trying period occurred over the first three weeks. Maybe it was just a difficult adjustment, or maybe that’s just how I personally internalize such changes. Nevertheless, I feel like I’ve really sunk my feet in and got into the flow of being here. Almost as though, despite the constant change taking place around me, I’ve managed to stabilize myself. At first I was really trying to adapt to all of the annoying little changes (which looked to me like inconveniences). But once I began to understand all of the ‘why's’ behind these differences, I began accepting them and respecting them. Also, in the beginning I was seriously questioning my role here. How can a 23 year old Canadian student contribute to a region which is so socially, culturally, politically and environmentally different? Moreover, would my contribution even be a positive one? Of course, I have not disposed of these thoughts. They are still at the forefront of my mind, but I have adjusted to them, so to speak. I have been able to talk about them with people that understand these feelings, and I have forced myself to examine them, express them, and write about them. Subsequently, I am recognizing what I have learned here (emotionally and intellectually) and ensuring that I take those tools and utilize them positively in the future, as I have always tried to do in my life.
My work has been as interesting as it is difficult. Given the serious time constraint coupled with my ambitious work plan, I have really had to tame my need for perfection. Essentially, I am working on a bioregional disaster management profile. First off, this requires a great deal of research given that I know very little about Filipino local, regional and national policies/structures/practices etc. This is where I have become the most disenchanted. The people who live and work here know much more about the relevant resource, land use, and disaster management plans and regulations than I do, so isn’t it completely redundant to have me, a foreigner, compile the information? It feels like I am taking three months to do something that a local expert could compile in no more than two or three weeks. I have had to read a heap-load of background material, get acquainted with the political system (which is very complicated might I add), meet all the relevant staff, and proceed to navigate my way through the public departments in order to access all the necessary information and data. Now I must remind you that this process is not completed yet, I still have to gather a bit more data before really digging into the writing portion. Secondly, there are so many organizations and departments doing all sorts of different plans and projects. I think I have all my information, then *bam*....another plan, another agency, another committee comes out of the woodwork. That being said, I recognize that a lot of my work is being done to collaboratively build my own skills and that of our local partners. Thus, although it may take a little longer, it is being done for a reason. Thirdly, it can be really difficult to understand what your role is when you are working in an international context. What skills are you bringing to the table? Also, how can you complete an internship that you are truly proud of? I find myself so much more aware and careful about my work here. Not that I am not back home, but it’s gotten to the point of paralysis for christ sake. You’re writing about a space that is so different from your own. So much detail contributes to the realities of life here. And so much of that I am not familiar with. I want to write something that is beneficial, rather than simply insert irrelevant western methods and epistemologies into other spaces—as us westerners are so fond of doing. I guess it’s safe to say that at least I am thinking about these things. I am glad that I am taking these questions seriously. But one thing I must remember is that, for the most part, this opportunity is here for me to learn and to grow. Of course I will complete my task, damn well in fact! But at the end of the day, this experience will give to me much more than I will it. It will forget about me and my work fairly quickly, of course, I would not say the same for myself. For I will carry the experience with me for the rest of my life. And I am sure that it will continue to teach me far more after it has been completed.

Regardless, I am feeling good. I am actually teaching myself how to meditate, which with the help of some friends, I hope to continue back in Toronto. That reminds me. Traveling really does make one grow fonder of home, all those little insignificant details that you barely wince at in your daily life. Most of all, it makes you remember the things, the people, who are most important. I guess it works as a nice little reminder; Hey, don’t take your life for granted. Those you hold dear have helped you become who you are.
Anyways, I’m rambling.

A few other details:

The weather is getting cooler because we are in the rainy season. But there is still very little rain. The crops are failing and it has been very difficult on the people here.

Shopping at the wet markets (local markets) is soooo much cheaper than at the supermalls. Plus it provides for a much more authentic experience.

Filipino’s are shy yet curious so it makes for some funny situations, especially when it comes to men who approach us. They really do not know what to do. They have such a hard time looking you in the eye, yet they cannot seem to stop themselves from approaching you. Even if it means giving themselves—what looks to be—an anxiety attack.

Environmentally, things are VERY complicated. In fact, being here has changed many aspects of my position on this topic. ‘progressive’ laws are being passed, yet the practices are running in the opposite direction. Wealth and affluence is increasing, thus increasing demands for water and energy. Waste management has become a serious issue and the government is very reluctant to implement projects without foreign funding. Resources are dwindling, or being sold off piece by piece to foreign governments and corporations. Foreign ideologies and perspectives on economy and environment are impacting the way that the Philippines has been forced to ‘develop’. And the connection between environment, politics and wealth is just glaring!

That being said, I do think I have found my research topic, and I am very excited about it. But that is for another post because I have a few interviews and readings to do before I finalize it. I don’t want to jinx myself given that determining my research topic has been one of the more difficult and frustrating tasks. There’s so many interesting things I really want to study!!!! Mining, climate change policy, water, energy production, resource management...and those are only the broad topics :s

Anyways, overall I am feeling good. Although time is flying by which is a little disconcerting. In a few weeks we will be traveling to Palawan; “the last frontier of the Philippines”. Mind you, I hear Mariah Carey owns an entire island there, one which is off limits to the locals; who could really use the fertile land to secure their livelihoods. As if the egocentric diva would even bat an eye at that....ahhh the global elite.

Speaking of, I cannot believe I am missing the G8/G20. I’ve been reading about it non-stop, trying to live vicariously through all you passionate protesters back home.

Okay, that’s all for now.